Installment 3: Stop Accommodating​ Others

As I get older( lol like I’m so old), I realize more and more about myself. The number one thing I’ve started to notice is that I’m too accommodating. I find myself constantly altering my personality quirks to fit into whatever social group I’m currently in and it annoys me.

In high school, I was that girl who belonged to ten different cliques. I was part of the black girls, the wanna-be-hipsters, the k-pop obsessed, and the super girly crew. Basically, I was a friend to all, and while I loved it, I feel that there were very few people I actually made deep and meaningful friendships with because I was so busy altering myself to fit in a group. While the friends I made in high school will forever be my sisters (all girls school), I want friends that know me straight away. Not ones that I take nearly 7 years to open up to.

I’m writing this posts for others who may feel that this is/was them. You are not the only one.

It’s a challenge and a little bit of a hardship because for me, being everyone’s friend is just part of who I am. I was always nice to people (probably overly nice until I got to know people), therefore I easily gained friends. And while this is great, once I gained those friends, I was too afraid to let too much of my personality show, for the fear that I would scare them off.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. Especially not when I’m entering college and taking my first steps towards adulthood. It’s time that I learn how to stop accommodating others and to be okay with myself. This means saying no more often, even to something simple, if I don’t want to do it. Of course, I will always help a friend out, but I will also start putting me first. That means:

No, I will not help you with your homework due in five minutes that you had two weeks to do even though you are stressing about it because now, you’re stressing me out about.

No, I will not go get that coffee for you when I have something to do that is, sadly, more important than your coffee fixation.

No, I will not talk to this person for you. Learn how to have a hard conversation.

No, I do not think Justin Bieber makes good music.

No, I did not like that movie. It was complete shit.

Basically, no. I will always be nice and try to be friendly, but I’m done doing things for others before doing things for myself. I’m done agreeing, just for the sake of preventing a friend from getting mad at me. I’m done changing myself, so the friends I have continue to like me for what’s on the surface, but never get to fully know me.

If you are like I am, and being yourself has been an issue, I advise you to start thinking of saying no too. We are worth more, and we deserve friends who will tolerate us for who we are and whether we say no or not. Let’s stop being so afraid of losing, and enjoy what we’ve gained in instead.

Thanks for reading this rant ❤ Feel free to share your opinions or experience! Basically, talk to me. This blog needs friends.

-Jess

What is Let’s Talk?

I am only now realizing this should have been the first post in this thread but you know, learn as you go. So Let’s Talk.

Basically I want this category of the blog to be sort of like a forum page. I will post installments here with whatever topic I feel like sharing that others might find interesting to talk about too and hopefully, as the blog grows, people will host conversations in the comments and connect with each other.

As time goes on I hope to have guest bloggers write a post for this thread and overall just connect people together. Conversations will be both silly, embarrassing, serious, thought-provoking, just whatever can be talked about.

Overall though it is important to note that this will be a SAFE SPACE. So while differing opinions are welcome and in fact encouraged, I WILL DELETE AND REPORT THOSE WHO:

  1. Bully/ Disparage others
  2. Write offensive and demeaning post
  3. Cannot learn to let others have their own opinion

That said, I hope Let’s Talk becomes a great community space for all. Thanks for visiting!

Installment 2: Post Graduation Feels

It has officially been one month (plus some days) since I have graduated and I’m having some post-graduation feels. They’re not necessarily good or bad, they’re just there. I thought it would make a good Let’s Talk post so…. Let’s Talk.

 

Feeling 1: A little lost 

It’s just that for the past 7 years of my life I have known what my school is going to be like, who I will be hanging out with once classes start again, what to expect in my classes pretty much. And now, everything is up in the air. Like I don’t know anyone at all except people I met at orientation who I will most likely never see again the next four years cause my school is fucking huge. I have yet to get my dorm assignment so I have no clue where I will be living. I don’t know what to expect from my classes or what my daily routine will be. It’s just an overall feeling of unknowing (is that a thing?). But I guess that is to be expected.

Feeling 2: Pretty damn sentimental 

This was something I totally wasn’t expecting. I usually love change and I tend to distance myself so even though I love love love my friends, and I knew I was going to miss them, I didn’t expect it to be at this level. I keep looking at old photos and wanting to hang out with people, but I don’t want to come across as annoying or clingy. Ridiculous, but that’s where I’m at.

Feeling 3: Excited yet nervous

Again this is a totally expected feeling. I know I’m going to have a great tine, well I don’t know know cause no one really knows anything, but I’m 99% sure that I’m gonna love college and my new life. But also I keep having these little doubts like, “what if I don’t make friends?”, “what if I have a sucky roommate?”, “what if the food is shit?”. Overall though the excitement is out-weighing the nerves so let’s count that as an accomplishment.

Please share your feelings that you have/had post high school graduation along with your grad photos!

 

Installment 1: Pre-College Jitters

For some reason, I have this notion in my head that everyone is supposed to reinvent themselves for college. I range from moments of being so excited and hyped up to go to moments of incredible fear causing me to want to curl up in my bed and never leave my room. Luckily the moments of excitement out-number the moments of fear.

I’ve decided that sense this is a pivotal moment in my life and others I would share some of my fears and excitements and hope others post their own as we weather out this storm together.

(even number = excitements, odd numbers = fears)

  1. One huge shared bathroom:

I am dead-ass terrified of having to share a bathroom. Why? Because 1. people can be disgusting, 2. No baths, 3. I refuse to sit my ass on a toilet seat that is not my own, 4. The trek back to my room during the winter months will prob be freezing.

2. Moving to Boston

While I am going to miss my hometown, I am excited to live in a city where the public transportation doesn’t suck and I can actually walk places! All the times I have visited Boston, it’s been easy to get around and I just love the feel of the city overall.

3. Freshman 15

Even though I try not to be I can be a little vain and I am relatively happy with the condition of my body right now. That said, I have always bee naturally thin and rarely work out and love to eat so I’m a little nervous of what might happen if I don’t get an exercise regime and eat well.

4. Choosing courses and learning things I’m actually interested about

After 7 years of being bored out of my mind  in history courses I’m so excited to finally start taking courses that relate to my major and choosing other things I just want to learn about to fill my other requirements.

5. Maintaining contact with high school friends

I suck at keeping in touch with people so I’m gonna need to work on that.

6. Sleeping past 8 everyday (no classes before 10:30 wohoo!!!)

Like, no one understands how hype I am about this. I have never in my life imagined getting to wake up after 8 every day. I am so so so happy.

Please share if you have any of these same fears and/ or excitements as well as your own!! Let’s get through this together! *sings high school musical*