Installment 3: Stop Accommodating​ Others

As I get older( lol like I’m so old), I realize more and more about myself. The number one thing I’ve started to notice is that I’m too accommodating. I find myself constantly altering my personality quirks to fit into whatever social group I’m currently in and it annoys me.

In high school, I was that girl who belonged to ten different cliques. I was part of the black girls, the wanna-be-hipsters, the k-pop obsessed, and the super girly crew. Basically, I was a friend to all, and while I loved it, I feel that there were very few people I actually made deep and meaningful friendships with because I was so busy altering myself to fit in a group. While the friends I made in high school will forever be my sisters (all girls school), I want friends that know me straight away. Not ones that I take nearly 7 years to open up to.

I’m writing this posts for others who may feel that this is/was them. You are not the only one.

It’s a challenge and a little bit of a hardship because for me, being everyone’s friend is just part of who I am. I was always nice to people (probably overly nice until I got to know people), therefore I easily gained friends. And while this is great, once I gained those friends, I was too afraid to let too much of my personality show, for the fear that I would scare them off.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. Especially not when I’m entering college and taking my first steps towards adulthood. It’s time that I learn how to stop accommodating others and to be okay with myself. This means saying no more often, even to something simple, if I don’t want to do it. Of course, I will always help a friend out, but I will also start putting me first. That means:

No, I will not help you with your homework due in five minutes that you had two weeks to do even though you are stressing about it because now, you’re stressing me out about.

No, I will not go get that coffee for you when I have something to do that is, sadly, more important than your coffee fixation.

No, I will not talk to this person for you. Learn how to have a hard conversation.

No, I do not think Justin Bieber makes good music.

No, I did not like that movie. It was complete shit.

Basically, no. I will always be nice and try to be friendly, but I’m done doing things for others before doing things for myself. I’m done agreeing, just for the sake of preventing a friend from getting mad at me. I’m done changing myself, so the friends I have continue to like me for what’s on the surface, but never get to fully know me.

If you are like I am, and being yourself has been an issue, I advise you to start thinking of saying no too. We are worth more, and we deserve friends who will tolerate us for who we are and whether we say no or not. Let’s stop being so afraid of losing, and enjoy what we’ve gained in instead.

Thanks for reading this rant ❤ Feel free to share your opinions or experience! Basically, talk to me. This blog needs friends.

-Jess

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